He is my life

[Belphegora]

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This will take a few minutes to read.

Well, I don't know when, why and where anymore, I think it comes with my birth.
I have many stories, many experience and I tried to find out why. Well, this was before when I said to myself - this is my life all about. I'll write my story with a numbers that you can read it easy.

1. I was born in a stormy evening, dead. But doctors saved me, I don't know how, and I have problems with my health because of that. It was everything normal since I was 4. I remember one day, I was at home alone with my older sister and her friend when some strange black car showed up in our courtyard. I remember only that my sister and my friend was very frightened of that car and they put me in a closet but I escaped and only what I remember is a black haired male,with a burning cross on his chine. After that everything goes wrong - my mum and dad start to wrangle and everybody in our house was so nervous. My sisters start to hear some footsteps in our room (we were 3 in one big room), they can't sleep at night and one of the sisters start to have some visions, bad visions, shadows over our house, in house, everywhere. Nobody wasn't talk about a man and a big black car, and I'll never know who was that. But I remember that was the begining of a big war with unusual and paranormal things.

2. After a year or two I start to suffering of a depression and hysterical behavior with no reason. Then one night I couldn't fall asleep and when I turned to the wall in bed I saw a big shadow of triangle on it. Night after that I start to hear the footsteps in room. Well, with 5,6 years of my life I started to see things like shadows on the wall, strange mans in our courtyard with a black heats but in usual black t-shirt's, there was a strange dreams too like I'm somewhere else but everything is so well-known. I started to hear footsteps everywhere, some strange voices who calling my name, children's laughts, children's screams. And everywhere I was, I feel someone is with me but I couldn't see it. I keep it all for myself, so nobody can think that I'm crazy couse I saw this things soo well and hear it all so loud. And it's very scary for me but I get used to it with a years.

3.When I was 13, my sisters get married and moved. I was alone in the room and this night when one of them was moved I felt so lonely and I fall asleep with deep pain, and I felt that someone is in roome with me. And it was. I fall asleep with some strange man, but I'm wasn't afraid of him, he was so kind to me. I slept in his arms and I felt so warm for first time in my life. And this was my little secret. Well, I was sure that this was my imagination couse I was lonely but.. I started to talk with one blond boy to the cellphone. I don't know why, one day he called me and we started to talk like we know each other for a centuryes and it was so weird couse I acept this "game" with no question, like it's wasn't me. But I felt warm couse at nights I slept in arms of my "angel". Well, one day he didn't call me, he didn't call me for a few months. So I called him, and this number doesn't exist. Ok, this was the night of anger of my "angel". He turned to cold creature and start to turtured me in dreams for a years. Like he puting in me a visions of a someones past, very brutal past. I felt pain in my body, head, like he want's to kill me. And I lost a touch with reality, like I was obsessed and I looked like that.

4. One person who I loved died in this ages. She was my blood, and she died to fast. When she was in hospital, I feeling her pain what she feel at the same time, every day for a 6/7months at 6 in the evening. When she died, I feel quilty couse I know that she will die soon. And when my sister had a car accident, very bizare accident, the day before I had a dream about it, like vision and I hear a footsteps and some strange noise in garage. I feel quilty about it, I should told my dad that the car is not corect. The car was a total trash and no one knows how she survived. But I'm happy that she is.

5. Well, my imaginary friend in highschool destroyed me, completly. I lose my best friend from a childhood, everyone afraids of me for no reason and one guy in school told me that this is becouse I have strange eyes. In this time, my "friend" start to turtured me on different ways - he starts to screaming for all nights and I start to wrote some poem, very scary, unusual, brutal, violent poem and next day when I woke up with a pen in my hand, I didn't remember it - he wrote it above me. Then we start to comminicate. He can't talk, but I talk to him some things and he was smiling to me someday. Someday he was crying. But he use me for a poem and I burned it every morning when I woke up. And one day, he use my body and for this I have scars, and I don't remember anything. I woke up next day in blood in my bed with a face a scared face of my mother. My health getting worse and he tried to killed me for one more time and he realy did - I'm walking dead, with agony and violent thoughts in my head. I fall asleep, next to me was a sister(she returned for some time,couse her husband was in jail) and I had a dream like reality - I'm coming home from school, it was dark and cold. From a bush attacted me one guy and with a knife he engrave me something like pentagram (wiccan pentagram, nothing satanistic) on my chest and I feel so much pain. He told me that I'm safe now and that I came to him next thuesday , and nobody hurt me till then. Well, I came to him this thuesday in apartment and I sit on some chair. We talked about my childhood, everything that I see, I hear, feel, know about future and past. And then he chained me for this chair and he start to talk some words and I must to repeat it. This word was like some pray and with this words I denied everythig what is good, saint, something like exorcism but reverted. And when he was done, I feel so much pain in my brain, like some hand wants to pull my brains off. And then it stoped and we repeat it all once again and again I felt this pain in head, but it's too painfull and I start to scream that is enough and the pray was over. And after that he said to me this words : "Now, you will wake up in your bed". And I woke up, at 5 at the morning, I still feel this unusual strong pain in my brain, my body was paralyzed for a hour and I hear a thousand voices around my room. After that dream I have another one with a some boy that some friends and me met on some party and we come with him to his house and when I returning back to home he jump on my back and said "You'll never ever rid of me.Forget that" he has eyes like my "friend".And then my "friend" dissapear for a year. Now I have friends but my eyes still the same, and my ex boyfriends.. well, they are my ex's couse they mean that I'm strange, complicated and unusual and strange things happened when I was with them - this is not me, I'm nice girl to people but I'm violent when I have someone in my arms, very violent and I just want to hurt them and I can't control myself, like it's not me. For once I beat one guy for a neck so hard that I could kill him. Like I'm animal. Ok, I know that are some people violent when they want have fun under the sheets, but I can't control myself. I just want their lifes. It's sick, but I can't help myself!

6. I was at psychiatrist, and I had a therapy, but this "my friend" somehow teache me how to manipulate with people and for a doctors my mental health is very good. Then I moved out of the country, alone. I just want to escape from all of this, couse I have enough. But, I still hear footsteps beyond me but I live on last storey, I hear the voices all the time and I feel him right next to me when I write this. He's looking at me, he is sad. Yes, sometimes he's sad and he's crying and now I know why couse he show me who he is, but not all. In dreams, he speak to me on some strange language, it wasn't latin, don't know. He knows that I don't understand him and he give me a letter. Some guy murdered his daughter and wife,and he don't know why he do this to me couse I was in hospital this year couse my body getting weaker, my heart doesn't beat well anymore. This was wrote in letter. He was full of pain, I see that but I still don't understand why me. What he wants, what everything what happend to me wants from me. I drink, I smoke, I'm violent and manipulative girl, sometimes I feel something strange in me, something so evil, not good. I'm lost, I don't know who I am couse when I was 16 year old little girl, I hurting people for nothing but I knew that I don't want it, my legs and hands wasn't mine. Once I met one man, it was older than me for 11 years and he is in this things, paranormal, supernatural, astral and I just want help, everything what he says to me was that there is no escape, he wants me, I must to acept this couse this is my life from my birth.He says that maybe this is a gift, but I don't know how this can be a gift couse it's killing me, not only on mental way, but I'm in hospital much more than in my own bed. Like I'm in hell.

7. And yes, I think for some one year that I'm realy crazy, but then I give a proof that I'm ok. I'm turning back from school with one friend. She give me a cell phone when I was dressing my shoes. A few people saw this, she gave me a cell phone and I put it to my jacket. Well, when we was on bus station cell phone wasn't in my jacket. it was too freaky, and I scared her so much that she had a panic attack this time. Later, I find my cellphone in the clas, with "nice" message - "I'm real" After that I talk with my friend what was that and she tells me that she understands, some strange things happend to her too. I talk to a many people about this what I know that they can understand that, everyone says one - you have a gift. But I feel that I'll die soon becouse of that. 7 times I tried to killed myself. I hurt many people that don't afraid of me becouse of that. They live with me in this hell only becouse they loves me. And I have enough...
And yes, everytime, when I walk down the streets at the night, one of this street-lights turns off, or turns on.


What do you mean? Maybe I'm crazy but I know that this is my reality. Many people tried to help me, but they can't.

p.s. my english it's not so well couse I'm not american or english girl

[scarygirl67]

Thank you for sharing that....I know it's not always easy to talk about it when strange things have happened. And it doesn't mean you're crazy...however, it's hard to know what would be going on medically, since you said you were able to manipulate your psychiatrists. If you are able to be honest here...then show that same honesty to someone who can truly find some answers for you.

As far as what you have experienced...I've heard things like what you describe with people who are highly sensitive to energies around them. If that is the case, it sounds like you are having difficulty controlling that ability. Any urge to violence is not something you want to play around with. If you don't get that under some kind of control, something might happen that you can't take back.

I'm not an expert in anything...just someone who has had some strange experiences as well. I wish I could do more to help you other than send all prayers and positive thoughts your way.....and give you a warm welcome to the forum.

[Haunted Lady]

If psychiatry and the medical field don't offer you much for answers, you might think about pastoral counseling or whatever spiritual counseling of your choice. Even if they don't offer much in the line of answers for your problems, it might offer you a safe place of loving kindness where your spirit may be soothed.

[BaltiBG]

I have a thing on my mind. U should go to the nearest monastery (a bigger church is ok too). When u enter inside just go straight to the center of the monastery... Look up and u will see the tallest structure as a part of ceiling. Its the main chapel. Just stay there for a 5 min looking up. If u feel dizzy and sick , and if u feel that there is no way that u could be standing there anymore just leave and P.M me. I will then ask you some more questions and hopefuly be able to help u. I think i know what are u into...

[ghamlin09]

I had a demon expierence once, i prayed out to God and he took me out of the situation, I was sincerley praying for his help, with absolute faith that he would.:ohyeah:and he took me out of the situation.

[Belphegora]

Thanks to all for opinion and help. When I was a girl I pray to God alot. Doesn't work, I realy belive in all this with God and I lose it couse realy bad thing happend with it and all my family lost faith.
I don't know if that things with paranormal have some relations with God..couse for example, many people died after exorcism. Maybe "they" want the person dead and then they take this person easily. Some people make suicide when they have experience with "demons" (or what ever is that), and a lot of them die in mental institution. But, finaly many people die on some way and this is not their time to die.

And yes, today I had a dream. I don't remember all, but "they" (not demons, not people, in dream this term was very complicated. Something too strange I can say) wanted to kill me. And I saw the husband of my sister all in blood and his neck and some parts of body was rifted. Then I saw the knife, a couple of times and something "behind" telling me that this is my way, and this waiting for me and I feel like somebody cuting my neck. And I don't wake up then, this was repeated.

BaltiBG I'll try it, and then PM you

[mythbuster2009]

Perhaps some people other than medical professionals can help you, scarygirl67. Maybe you'll need to talk with some who are paranormal experts since you've already sought mental health and physical health care.