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Flower · 05-06-2011, 11:04 AM

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I have heard the saying so many times about the "weight of the world on your shoulders" and I swear thats true. I have had a ton of negative things happen (overbearing this past year) and I feel so completely drained and literally feel as if I have a huge amount of weight on my shoulders. Now I'm not the type to want to be alone, but I cant be in large groups, don't like stores that are busy or restaurants with a lot of people, let alone working with many. Even most of my life I chose to have less money & work hours where there weren't many people around (though yes, I would prefer more money but I just cant handle being around many people.) anyhow, I deal by not dealing, but I have a few people in my little world that drain the life out of me -one I chose to stay away from, the other I can't. And the one I can't seems to have one of the most negative energies I have ever encountered, let alone being the cause of a huge portion of my negative things that have come about. Any suggestions on how to feel less drained & how to bring more positive energy into my life. And possibly how to help an extreme negativity case. ~Seriously, some days I actually look like I aged over night, fortunately it doesn't last many days.. Smile

**scarygirl67** · 05-06-2011, 11:16 AM

If you're not able to completely remove a negative influence out of your life, in my opinion, the trick is to counteract it with more positive. Sometimes that can be as simple as finding something you enjoy doing and focusing as much of your time and energy on that as possible. If it's at the point where it is even hard to get started doing that...you may try going to see if there are any vitamin or mineral deficiencies you might have. These can make a person feel completely drained, to the point where it is too easy to let the negative take hold. When you don't feel like doing anything, let alone anything positive, it's hard to even get started..and I do understand that. Been there many times.

The important thing is to know that you are not alone. It feels really lonely though, and I hope you know you can share here. But if I were you, I would check for anything in the diet or any supplements you might be lacking (just to make sure that isn't exacerbating the problem), and focus every bit of energy you can on things that make you happy. I will add that I have done the "dealing by not dealing" myself, and while it may put things off..it doesn't really solve anything. Try writing a letter to the person that you feel drained by..even if you can't give it to them. Just seeing it on paper will help put some of it in perspective.

Please keep us posted!

Flower · 05-06-2011, 11:45 AM

Thank you for your quick reply SG. Yeah, How I usually try to deal doesn't help. Just makes everything worse in the long run. I have tried the being overly nice or just plain trying to make them change by my putting off positive energy but it rarely worked.. I definitely will try what you said about keeping me doing what I like. Maybe, I can just "repel" by ignoring it and keeping me as happy as I can be at the moment. And I will check into supplements. I actually was just looking into different herbal teas (celestial seasonings)today, which I thought was funny because some of them say the help with stress or relaxing etc..
I know I do have things weighing me down besides him. I had my baby brother die months ago from cancer. And my oldest child turned 18 and moved- mostly due to the negative one. And I'm not saying the person is bad, like mean wise or anything. Just so negative. I feel drained just sitting in the same room. And I feel as if it really is the energy. Mostly.
Thank you for all the great advise!

UglyNRude · 05-06-2011, 12:26 PM

I often offend people as I call it like I see it. NO ONE CONTROLS YOU! You control yourself. You are exactly where you want to be, if your not happy then only YOU can change it. You can't change others but you can change yourself. You can change your situation, you can change your attitude, you can live in a rut where you just follow the trenches or you can work to climb out and chose a new direction.

Two me looked thru prison bars
One saw mud
The other stars.

Our life is the way we look at it. A person may have all the money in the world but not be happy and another person might not have anything but happiness. Remember worry doesn't solve anything. Make a change today to let more positive in. Start small, open curtains, let fresh air in, rearrange furniture. Start in your home and then continue to make changes to bring a more positive result.

Start making changes today.

Flower · 05-06-2011, 12:33 PM

Thank you very much. That was greatly appreciated.

1TxLady · 05-06-2011, 01:11 PM

I understand how negative energy can be consuming and ultimately mentally and physically draining. Many people project tons of negative energy even when they are not interacting with others. Some people are more sensitive to this energy than others...it's called being empathic. Some people are so negative they affect everyone in their environment.

I agree with UNR in that only you can control you and not others.

You also can change how you interact and react to / with that person if they must be in your life. You can set boundaries for acceptable behavior towards you and then be consistent with your responses. Example ...when you act that way/ say that (whatever it is) I will no longer listen/respond.... then walk away. Again with any behavior management, it is only achieved through consistency. I had to do this with someone years ago who did exhibit symptoms of being bi-polar but she also was essentially a very angry person. I finally said to her one day... I really do want to talk with you and maintain a relationship but your negative energy is too much. I cannot discuss nor listen to how this or that is wrong or bad with others and I will not intervene in others lives based up on your thoughts. No, it didn't go over well but I had to do it for my own sanity because every encounter had become rife with negativity whether in person or on the phone. I refuse to walk on egg shells around anyone nor contribute to and enable their negativity by silently allowing it. That's not to be confused with everyone has occasional bad days or an occasional disagreement. This was a way of life for her and that is not living.

Not sure I understand why "can't" is part of the situation since I don't know who this person is. Negative energy in the form of emotional control and verbal language can be abusive whether that person is physically abusive or not.... trust me I know... I lived it! Perhaps you can get the most negative person you refer to into counseling or for a full physical including blood chemistries for mental dysfunction. Do they exhibit symptoms of being manic/depressives (bi-polar)?

**scarygirl67** · (This post was last modified: 05-06-2011 01:34 PM by scarygirl67.)

I do agree that you may need to re-evaluate "can't". You would be surprised what you are able to do once you take some of the great advice given here. UNR...all I can say is that post deserved my broken "Thanks" button working double time. It really can begin with things that simple. We're creatures of habit, and it is easy to get caught up in a rut...but in a rut, you don't change and grow. I also agree with Txlady about setting the boundaries and really sticking to them.

Negative and positive energy do have this in common..they both need fed to grow. So step out of the comfort zone and really pay attention to which of those energies you are feeding.

Remember...YOU are the only one that has to live with you for the rest of your life. Everyone else is optional. So always put an emphasis on what is going to make you happy. I'm not saying to be selfish, but I am saying to care enough about yourself to take the steps.

I look forward to hearing more from you Flower.