Do you think things happen 'for a reason'?

[Roland]

(11-21-2010 07:44 PM)scarygirl67 Wrote:  So much of how I feel about it comes from personal experiences. Without boring you with the details, my life has been a series of bad choices...for a very long time. I spent a lot of time blaming everyone else, including God, for those choices. And then I realized that not only had I made my own bed..I was making the choice to continually lie in it.

There are things that were beyond my control..and those were things that I had to accept. I had to accept that I have a daughter who cares nothing of anyone but herself..because of choices she, as an adult, is making. I had to accept that I have a child who is autistic and may possibly need assistance for the rest of her life...and a list of doctors ten feet deep who have no real idea what to tell me.

When I think about REASONS for why things happen, to be honest, it makes me sink right back into that bed that I lay around in for so many years, covered in a quilt of self-pity and laying on a pillow of guilt. The fact is, whether it was a choice or something beyond my control...every single experience in my life I have learned from. I have grown from it. It didn't kill me, and it DID make me stronger.

That's what I take away from life's little curve balls...and do know Fiona, that my PM box is always open if you ever want to talk. And Ali..what can I say. Every so often, I am reminded of why I treasure someone's friendship so much..your posts here today are one of those "every so often's". Well said, my friend.

May i be the devils advocate for a moment.People who take on someone elses problems or responsibility aren't they really creating their own depressing situation. And really shouldn't the person who has created a bad situation just have to deal with it as the cards fall?
So that being said isn't it a persons own fault for what take on or deal with and tolerate?

[scarygirl67]

Well....depends I guess. I chose to take on the responsibility of having a child...however I didn't choose for her to have to work twice as hard to get half as far in many instances. At the same time...she is my daughter. I don't get to make the choice of whether or not I take on the responsibility of her special needs. (although her father did.)

If a person creates a bad situation, they have a choice..make the situation better as much as they can or let the negative take control. Speaking as someone who made BOTH those choices at one time or another...the former is much more effective. But no, I don't think they have to wallow in their bad choices or let the chips fall where they may..I think we all have the power to take a negative and turn it into a positive.

As far as it being a person's own fault what they take on or tolerate...in the case of a mother who continually enables a child that will not take care of themselves then yes...quite frankly, it is their choice if they continue to take that on. For the mother of a child with special needs...no, it is no one's fault. It is however, (and I speak from experience) an extremely overwhelming challenge. It can be very frustrating. And it can make a person ask "why?" But it is no one's fault.

Fiona, I think that there are some things that happen that are beyond our control. I think our reaction to them is where we have the control. There are lessons to be taken from many of those things and even something that seems negative can turn into something beautiful.

[Ali]

(11-21-2010 07:55 PM)Roland Wrote:  May i be the devils advocate for a moment.People who take on someone elses problems or responsibility aren't they really creating their own depressing situation. And really shouldn't the person who has created a bad situation just have to deal with it as the cards fall?
So that being said isn't it a persons own fault for what take on or deal with and tolerate?

I believe your post holds true, with the exception of one's children.

The relationship between a mother and a child is unlike any other relationship. There is a bond that is so strong. You ache when your child aches. You have to sit back and allow them to make their own mistakes for personal growth, but at the same time, guide/teach them to make good choices. It would be their choice if they accepted the advice or not. Either way, you never stop caring, and wanting the best for them.

[Roland]

(11-21-2010 11:10 PM)Ali Wrote:  

(11-21-2010 07:55 PM)Roland Wrote:  May i be the devils advocate for a moment.People who take on someone elses problems or responsibility aren't they really creating their own depressing situation. And really shouldn't the person who has created a bad situation just have to deal with it as the cards fall?
So that being said isn't it a persons own fault for what take on or deal with and tolerate?

I believe your post holds true, with the exception of one's children.

The relationship between a mother and a child is unlike any other relationship. There is a bond that is so strong. You ache when your child aches. You have to sit back and allow them to make their own mistakes for personal growth, but at the same time, guide/teach them to make good choices. It would be their choice if they accepted the advice or not. Either way, you never stop caring, and wanting the best for them.

It's wonderful you hold that opinion and you are truly a good person.

But there are some that don't and abuse and neglect and even give their children away.So for some the reponsibility of a special needs child is more than their selfish nature can deal with.So they find an institution or foster care or the state takes over. I have seen really bad examples of this.So my heart goes out to all here that accept the responsibility and give the love that all children want no matter how they are. And the love they need.

[Dreamer]

I heard something once, and it stuck in my head. Perhaps the question isn't do things happen for a reason? Rather, is that reason good enough? Incomprehensibly bad things can happen, which we may think the cause is too terrible for the effect it creates. But maybe, there is something uncannily good that comes out of every situation. We are just too angered to see it. Too upset about what we, or someone else, had to go through.

[scarygirl67]

(01-13-2011 03:51 PM)Dreamer Wrote:  I heard something once, and it stuck in my head. Perhaps the question isn't do things happen for a reason? Rather, is that reason good enough? Incomprehensibly bad things can happen, which we may think the cause is too terrible for the effect it creates. But maybe, there is something uncannily good that comes out of every situation. We are just too angered to see it. Too upset about what we, or someone else, had to go through.

Very well said!

[howoldami]

I think life is both predetermined, and random, at the same time.

I see life like a tree. At birth, you start out in one direction, at the trunk. You only have one direction you can go. But as you get older, branches start forming. These branches are the paths that you, as an individual, take in life. You choose to take a left out of the parking lot instead of a right, you enter down a different branch. You choose to go to to college or you choose not too, each has a predetermined path laid out according to the choices you make.

It's kind of a conflicting viewpoint, but it makes a lot of sense in my head.

[Ishamael]

I understand what your saying howoldami, and that was a very good metaphor.

However, I believe that the question laid out is too vague, as it is. There are many paths that you can take the question, all equally valid:
Do you believe that everything happens for the reason of following God's plan?
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason because of the deterministic factors that the physics of our universe entail?
Do you believe that everything we do has intentionality?

These are all different ways to ask the same question, and each way has a very different meaning, along with a very different set of assumptions that we have to make about the way "it" is.

In what tense were you asking the question?

To link this to howoldami's post: It seems as if you are leaning to a more deterministic view of how everything happens. The only conflict that rises with your thought is the fact of you "choosing" what it is you do.

[Ali]

(01-13-2011 03:51 PM)Dreamer Wrote:  I heard something once, and it stuck in my head. Perhaps the question isn't do things happen for a reason? Rather, is that reason good enough? Incomprehensibly bad things can happen, which we may think the cause is too terrible for the effect it creates. But maybe, there is something uncannily good that comes out of every situation. We are just too angered to see it. Too upset about what we, or someone else, had to go through.

I wish I could give you a thousand "Thanks". Thank you for sharing.