07-10-2011, 08:08 AM
It's getting hard to maintain; when I'm in a place where people are spiritual/christian or good people, I feed off of really good vibes. I guess I would call it feed, or draw into me. The light is different in those places. Sometimes I can hear light, and I have tinnitus from so much sound; I don't know why, a lot of stuff is hard to filter for me. I'm afraid of feeding on people, because I'm worried it has negative repercussions. I don't know how to do it without causing harm or fear, but lately I found that darkness/and dark people are drawn to me out of someweird obsession: hatred, jealousy, fear, etc.
Words have always come to me, I don't know if this is normal human immitation, but sometimes words have come out of nowhere---I wasn't told I just knew the language. Sometimes languages are very easy for me to learn, but I struggle with confidence because I learn differently, usually when I have a lot of a certain type of emotional energy. I don't want to be an emotional vampire, and I'm trying not to be but people often try to tear me down.
I may be feeding unconsciously, and I can't seem to stop it from happening when I'm low on resources and emotions; by resources I mean...for a time I tried to be independent of the soul-source, the resources that really help...when I'm with certain people I change depending on the people and sometimes I'm heavily blocked off. I've had terrible experiences with magic and manifestations, so I turned toward God but I feel confused about it.
Does God really not like us to be different and draw in energy from the very world we inhabit? To me it's dangerous, and I'm afraid of my own gift and on the other-hand I selfishly seek it out, can't help but want it back! I don't buy the hype about vampires being born as vampires or sin or turning or any of that cliche stuff; I just want to understand why I'm projecting so much raw energy, but I can't block people from reading the energy I project and it's hard.
I'm spiritually cut off from something, can't say what it is. It's not necessarily that I need energy to survive, but to live a better life or the more natural and desirable life, I would be able to process this light.
Then there are the nightmares; where I am on the opposite side of the spectrum as victim to an immortal vampire. It inspires so much fear that even when I choose not to fear, paranoia seeps into me causing insanity and pain. I want to stop being fed on, but even when I don't do anything it happens...so there is no justice for me it seems. The more I opened to God the more it helped and hurt at the same time, because Christians don't accept the idea of magic that is independent of a controller.
The nightmares led me to the world of vampirism; not the other way around. I didn't seek out this curse. I just want to be accepted for who I am and what I'm capable of. I'm a good person so people should not fear me!
Words have always come to me, I don't know if this is normal human immitation, but sometimes words have come out of nowhere---I wasn't told I just knew the language. Sometimes languages are very easy for me to learn, but I struggle with confidence because I learn differently, usually when I have a lot of a certain type of emotional energy. I don't want to be an emotional vampire, and I'm trying not to be but people often try to tear me down.
I may be feeding unconsciously, and I can't seem to stop it from happening when I'm low on resources and emotions; by resources I mean...for a time I tried to be independent of the soul-source, the resources that really help...when I'm with certain people I change depending on the people and sometimes I'm heavily blocked off. I've had terrible experiences with magic and manifestations, so I turned toward God but I feel confused about it.
Does God really not like us to be different and draw in energy from the very world we inhabit? To me it's dangerous, and I'm afraid of my own gift and on the other-hand I selfishly seek it out, can't help but want it back! I don't buy the hype about vampires being born as vampires or sin or turning or any of that cliche stuff; I just want to understand why I'm projecting so much raw energy, but I can't block people from reading the energy I project and it's hard.
I'm spiritually cut off from something, can't say what it is. It's not necessarily that I need energy to survive, but to live a better life or the more natural and desirable life, I would be able to process this light.
Then there are the nightmares; where I am on the opposite side of the spectrum as victim to an immortal vampire. It inspires so much fear that even when I choose not to fear, paranoia seeps into me causing insanity and pain. I want to stop being fed on, but even when I don't do anything it happens...so there is no justice for me it seems. The more I opened to God the more it helped and hurt at the same time, because Christians don't accept the idea of magic that is independent of a controller.
The nightmares led me to the world of vampirism; not the other way around. I didn't seek out this curse. I just want to be accepted for who I am and what I'm capable of. I'm a good person so people should not fear me!